RIP beautiful soul
I am the only one left at the office. I am the only one who is always in the office. I feel like a stupid fool because I am always here no matter what. In addition, I am supposed to be happy to spend most of my precious life wasting my time with paperwork, disgruntled customers and which paper, color, logo should be used. As if those things really matter. I mean really. Tears are falling down my cheeks, my heart aches for all the people I loved and have lost permanently. I feel like everybody I care about passes away and there is nothing I can do about it. It hurts so much. I think that grief is the worst pain there is. What hurts almost equally is that it seems that the world continues as if nothing has happened. Even worse is that nobody has an idea how much I am actually suffering. The other people don’t seem to suffer. They are happy as if they are basking in joy and laughter. Not that I want people to suffer, but to be honest, they could be at least a little sad. All they said was “yep too bad”. I cannot believe it and it hurts my heart and soul. She was such a gifted person and such a sweet soul. Although she had many truthful followers and an amazingly loving family, who stood by her no matter what she went through, I think she suffered a lot in her latest life time. It hurts so much to see her gone. I cannot stop crying. Watching carrying her casket out of the church tore my heart apart. I could not help but shiver, cry and scream. My heart aches so much for this beautiful person, who I loved dearly. My mind keeps telling me: “Who do you think you are? You did not even know her in person! What should her mother, her daughter and the rest of her dear family say? You have nothing to be so desperate about!” I can see those exact words in every human being that I come across. They don’t care. They are not sad. Maybe some of them are touched. They are certainly not as desperate and heart-broken as I am. I love you Whitney, RIP beautiful soul.
Written by Barbara Bullock, March 2012